My Friday Guarantee
Welcome back to the biggest shit show in your inbox. This is the gambling newsletter written by a gambling degenerate for gambling degenerates.
I am in the fucking mood to make a guarantee. I usually don’t do guarantees. I usually look down at them. I usually scoff at them. My philosophy on guarantees has always been, if you want me to take a shit in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I have free time. The great Tommy Callahan taught me that. He was also a gambling degenerate but hid it well. He loved betting Wisconsin football.
Today I am making an exception. I feel so good about these four bets today that I am throwing out a guarantee. Listen, I think I am going 4-0 today but I guarantee I go at least 3-1. So what do you get for this guarantee? Well if you currently aren’t a paid subcriber, and you become a paid subscriber today and I don’t go at least 3-1, then you will have access to all my picks until August 1st. That;s right, $5 will get you picks for the rest of spring and all summer long. You will be living like a fucking king but it is not going to fucking happen.
Now, I am pretty sure all games are going to be played today. If one gets canceled then the guarantee is 2-1, if two games get canceled then it is 2-0. If three games get canceled then it is 1-0.
What about the people who are already paid subcribers? This guarantee is not for you but I will have another guarantee day just for you soon. I promise. It will be huge too. Like two months of the football season free or some shit.
Are we good? Details on how to activate the guarantee, if by some chance I don’t go 3-1 today, will be included with today’s picks.
Here is where I have to be an asshole, to read the rest of this newsletter you need to be a paid subscriber. Why? Becauuse I need to support my gambling habit. The good news, it is just $5 a month. You know you want to…..
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